


There Could Have Been a Chance for Us

by brienne_lannister_of_tarth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, F/M, Love Actually AU, Unhappy Ending, mentions of Jaime/Cersei relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brienne_lannister_of_tarth/pseuds/brienne_lannister_of_tarth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brienne almost gets what she wants. But Jaime's past is interrupting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by the story of Sarah and Karl from "Love Actually". I've made some changes, but I think it's still recognizable. If you haven't seen the movie, you definitely should.  
> It's also the first of my stories that doesn't have a happy ending.  
> Jaime might be a bit OOC, but I believe the story works better like this.

Brienne was sitting at her desk at Stark Coorp., staring absent-mindedly at her computer screen and thinking of her colleague who had just entered the room, whistling “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”. The approaching holidays apparently had improved his mood; there was no other explanation for his unusual behaviour.

She had admired Jaime ever since she had started working for the Starks. On her first day, she had run into him and almost knocked him down. She had blushed and stammered out an excuse, unable to look into his eyes, while he had just laughed and told her that she should maybe pay more attention to her surroundings. 

Since that day, Brienne had learned a few things about him. She had noticed that he flirted a lot with every female employee – just not with her. She never could read his expression when he looked at her, but it most certainly wasn't flirty. Another thing she had found out – simply because she did the same – was that he worked really hard and was always among the last people to leave the building.

There were also things about him that intrigued her. He seemed to be lost in thought very often, and there were those mysterious phone calls that happened at random times several times a day.

Brienne could not deny the attraction she felt towards him. But she knew that something happening between them was completely out of the question. After all, he looked like a god who had decided to grace the planet earth with his presence, while she was...not what people considered beautiful. Brienne believed that every time he looked at her with that unreadable expression on his face, he probably asked himself why he had to work with such an unattractive human being. 

This and her lack of self-confidence were the reasons why she never spoke to him. Even though she would have liked to find out more about him, her shyness beat her curiosity every time she thought about approaching him. And he probably wasn't interested in talking to her anyway...

“I'd like to speak to you, Brienne,” Catelyn Stark interrupted her thoughts. 

She blushed and replied, “Of course, Mrs Stark. I'll be right there.”

********************

When Brienne entered Catelyn's office, she expected to be told off because she hadn't been focusing on her work. But her boss wanted to talk about something else.

“How long have you been working here, Brienne?” Catelyn began the conversation.

Brienne had to think for a second, then she answered, “Two years, seven months...um...three days and something like two hours. Why do you ask me something like that?”

Catelyn ignored Brienne's question and continued, “And how long have you been in love with Jaime Lannister?”

“Mrs Stark?!” Brienne was shocked. Had she been that obvious?

“Brienne...”

Brienne sighed and answered, “Two years, seven months, three days and probably one hour.”

“I thought as much. Brienne, listen...you're a grown-up woman and I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but...I feel like I should warn you. You know that Jaime was in prison, and what they say about the reasons?”

“Of course I do. Everyone knows those stories.”

“Some people say that while in prison, he has joined a criminal organisation. He's on the phone all the time and is totally mysterious about these calls...”

Brienne couldn't believe what Catelyn was saying. “Mrs Stark, I seriously doubt Jaime is a criminal!”

“But you don't know that, right? All I'm saying is, be careful there.”

“If you're afraid that he might be involved in illegal things...why is he still working here?” Brienne wondered. 

“Because I can't prove it – yet. And I really hate to admit it, but he is very good at what he's doing. But let's not talk about Jaime Lannister any longer. You probably should get back to your work.” 

Brienne got up and started walking towards the door when Catelyn addressed her once more. 

“By the way, maybe you should try to make it less obvious that you fancy him. Half of the staff is already talking about this. Some are even taking bets on when you will finally do something about it.”

Brienne blushed, nodded and finally returned to her desk.

********************

Later that day, Brienne spoke to Margaery Tyrell, her only friend at the office, about the whole conversation. Margaery regularly visited her around three o'clock, was greeted by Jaime with some flirty remark, and then sat down across from Brienne and started talking to her, most of the time about some gossip she had just heard. Brienne often wondered how Margaery got any work done when she obviously spent most of her time walking around the building and listening to other people's conversations.

Right now, she was laughing about the warning Catelyn had given Brienne. “Seriously...Jaime Lannister, a criminal? That woman certainly has an overactive imagination.”

“I think she only meant well,” Brienne tried to defend her boss. She had always liked Catelyn – after all, she had been the only one who had given her a job while everyone else had just laughed at her. 

Margaery wasn't convinced. “Or she doesn't want you to get too distracted from your work. Just imagine, you and Jaime having eye sex while you are actually supposed to do your jobs...”

“Margaery!”

“All I'm saying is, you should go for it, Brienne. He is hot, he is single – why not?”

“Have you actually ever looked at me? We'd make the weirdest couple ever. And he probably isn't even interested in me, so why should I make a fool of myself?” 

Margaery apparently hadn't been listening, because right at this moment, she exclaimed, “Gods, I'm so stupid! Why didn't I think of this sooner? Brienne, I just had the best idea ever!”

When Margaery said that, it usually wasn't a good sign. Brienne was a bit scared when she murmured, “I'm not really sure if I want to know...”

“You want to know, believe me. I totally forgot about the Christmas party! It's the day after tomorrow! We're going to get you a fabulous dress, you're going to look gorgeous, and Jaime won't be able to keep his eyes and his hands off of you!”

“Oh no...Margaery, please, no dress, you know I hate them, and I'll look ridiculous...” Brienne complained, already knowing that it wasn't going to work. Once Margaery had made a plan, she most certainly was going to follow through.

“Nonsense, you're going to look fantastic. Brienne, I'll take you shopping before the party.”

Brienne sighed and buried her face in her hands. Not for the first time, she asked herself what she had gotten herself into by befriending Margaery.

********************

At ten o'clock in the evening, most of the employees had already left the building. Only a few desks were still occupied.

Brienne had just finished an important letter to a client and was looking at her to-do-list for the day when Jaime walked past her desk.

“Good night, Brienne,” he said. This was the only time they actually talked to each other: when one of them left the office.

“Good night, Jaime,” she replied.

She expected him to leave like he always did, but when she looked up, she was surprised to see him standing in front of her desk, looking at her with that unreadable expression again. 

“Brienne, I just wanted to...” he began, but then his mobile rang. He sighed and looked at the display. Then he said, “Excuse me,” and left. Brienne remained at her desk, a bit confused.


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later, Brienne found herself in a changing cubicle of a boutique Margaery had dragged her to, trying to talk her friend out of her ridiculous idea. But Margaery, of course, insisted on Brienne wearing a dress for the Christmas party.

“Brienne, you can't just go there wearing a business suit, you know that...”

“How about I don't go there at all,” Brienne muttered, hoping Margaery wouldn't hear her.

“Nonsense! You HAVE to go! Jaime will be there too!” 

Something told Brienne that her friend's hearing was working astonishingly well.

“It's just so pointless. Even IF I wear a dress, he won't look at me twice. I bet he will dance with you more often than he will dance with me.”

Margaery entered, carrying five dresses. “It's got to be one of these,” she told Brienne.

Brienne looked at her options. One of the dresses was pink, way too short and way too glittery. “Whatever you were thinking when you picked this one...forget it, I'm never ever going to wear a pink dress.” 

Colourwise, Brienne had the choice between a dark green, black, blue and red. Somehow, she didn't know why, she felt drawn to the red dress. “I think I'm going to try on this one,” she finally announced.

Margaery clapped her hands and grinned at her friend. “This is perfect! You're going to look beautiful!”

********************

By the time Brienne arrived at the Christmas party in the evening, she didn't feel that confident about her choice any more. First of all, she was wearing heels; Margaery had really made her wear heels. She felt like she stood out even more than usual. “It's not like I'm way too tall already without those damn shoes...” she thought. 

Something else that bothered her was her dress. She had chosen it for the colour, but now she felt quite uncomfortable. The dress was knee-length, but for someone like her who never wore dresses, this was too short; too much of her skin was on display. Not only were her lower legs bare, but also her arms, shoulders and a part of her back. And because the dress was strapless, Brienne was afraid it might slip, even though it actually fit perfectly.

Margaery seemed to have noticed how Brienne felt about her outfit. She tried to reassure her friend. “Don't worry. You are really beautiful. Jaime won't be able to take his eyes off of you,” she told Brienne.

Catelyn Stark chose that moment to greet them. Her husband Ned was with her. Brienne had always liked Ned. He wasn't a man of many words, but when he said something, it was usually just the right thing for the situation. And he really loved Catelyn. Brienne knew that this was most likely too much to ask for, but if she ever would be fortunate enough to be in a relationship, she wanted something like the two of them had. 

“Brienne, you look fantastic,” Catelyn addressed her.

Ned agreed with his wife. “This is definitely a first. I've never seen you in a dress in all those years. You really should wear one more often.”

Brienne blushed and thanked them, but she couldn't shake the feeling that her boss knew exactly why she was dressed like this. Luckily, Catelyn didn't say anything about it. If she had, Brienne wouldn't have known what to say. Maybe she would have tried to blame Margaery.

********************

Brienne stood near a window and watched the couples on the dance floor. Catelyn was dancing with Oberyn Martell, a business associate of the company, and Margaery seemed to dance with five men at once. Brienne couldn't help being a bit jealous of her friend. Sometimes she wanted to be a bit more like Margaery - more flirty, more confident, more at ease with men.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Ned Stark approaching her. For a while they just stood next to each other without saying a word.

“So, Brienne...whom are you trying to impress tonight?” Ned finally asked. 

Brienne sighed. She definitely didn't want another “Jaime is a bad guy” conversation with one of the Starks. She was convinced that Ned knew about Catelyn's opinion on the matter. 

She finally said, “I'm not trying to -”

“Good evening, Mr Stark!”

Brienne turned around and saw Jaime standing there, smiling at them.

“Good evening, Mr Lannister,” Ned replied, and Brienne could see in his eyes that he didn't feel a lot of sympathy for Jaime, just like she had suspected.

“Hello, Jaime,” she said.

He looked at her as if he had never seen her before. Brienne could feel herself blushing while Jaime took in her appearance without saying a word. She was afraid that he might not like what he saw. After all, it was still just her. No matter how much make-up she wore or how short her dress was or how high her heels were, she was not attractive.

“You look beautiful tonight, Brienne,” he finally said. “I especially love that you're dressed in my family's colour.”

Had he really just said that? She was at a loss of what to reply; she was not used to compliments. And Jaime didn't look too bad himself, even though he just wore jeans and a white shirt. What was she supposed to do? Return the compliment?

Jaime interrupted her thoughts by asking, “Do you want to dance?”

“Me??” Brienne couldn't believed he had just asked her that. There were so many other girls here tonight, and every single one of them was prettier than her...

“I certainly don't want to dance with Mr Stark...no offense, sir,” Jaime answered with a grin.

Ned muttered something about looking for his wife and left.

“Jaime, are you certain you want to...I mean, there are so many other girls here...” Brienne tried to word her doubts.

“...and I've seen them all...but I want to dance with YOU.”

“Okay,” Brienne finally said, trying to sound much more confident than she actually felt.

When they got on the dance floor, the music changed. The DJ apparently thought it was time for a slow song now. Brienne cursed her luck; of course this had to happen. Jaime probably didn't want to dance any longer now. And she couldn't even blame him; she knew from experience that nobody actually wanted to get too close to her.

Right when she was about to go back to her place by the window, Jaime caught her by the wrist and pulled her towards him. 

“It's okay, Brienne. It really is,” he said. 

She wasn't really convinced, but he didn't let go of her. Instead he placed one hand at her waist and then took one of her hands, brought it up to his chest and held it there. She didn't know what to do with her other hand, so she put it on his shoulder. They started to slowly move to the music. Brienne could feel Jaime's heart beating quite fast. She had no idea why; she only knew that their proximity was most likely not the reason.

Brienne started to enjoy dancing with Jaime. She told herself to do so while it lasted; chances were that something like that would never happen to her again. Without even noticing, she moved a bit closer to Jaime, until they were dancing cheek to cheek. It felt nice to be so close to another human being for once.

They didn't speak, but Brienne felt like they didn't need words. Then Jaime started to stroke her hand with his thumb. This came as a surprise; Brienne never would have expected such a tender touch. She had never felt like this in her whole life: she was confused and a bit scared, but at the same time her whole body was tingling with excitement. 

Jaime took a small step backwards. Their gazes locked. Brienne could see so many different emotions in his eyes, and she started to feel a bit dizzy when she realised that one of them was definitely desire. But there was something else as well...

“You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen,” Jaime broke the silence.

“Jaime...”

Brienne wanted to say more, but she couldn't – because all of a sudden, he kissed her. His lips moved carefully against hers, tenderly, as if he was afraid that she might just disappear. Brienne didn't know how to react. Once again, she couldn't believe this was happening to her: she was dancing with the most attractive man at the party, and he was kissing her...

But then Jaime stopped. He looked at her, clearly confused.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. “Please don't tell me I just made a fool of myself...I have wanted to do this for so long, and I thought...”

He didn't get to finish the sentence; when Brienne brought her hand up to his face and started caressing his cheek, he stopped talking. 

“You haven't made a fool of yourself, Jaime,” she tried to reassure him. “I just can't believe that this is happening to me...”

And then she took the courage to kiss him. She knew she didn't do a very good job because she had basically no experience. But Jaime didn't seem to mind. He kissed her back and eventually took the lead. 

Once they had stopped and stood facing each other, breathing heavily, they realised that the song was over. Jaime still had not let go of Brienne's hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...here it is. Finally. The next chapter. This took me much longer than I wanted to, but life got in the way too often, and when I tried to continue writing this, I almost immediately deleted everything again because I didn't like it.  
> But I think that now I can finally finish this.

It felt weird, standing in front of the door to her apartment with a man. But Jaime had insisted on taking her home after they had danced for what felt like hours, stealing kisses from time to time. It hadn't mattered to Brienne that probably everyone was watching them and talking about them. Jaime's kisses had made her feel light-headed and when he had asked her if she wanted to leave, she had just nodded. 

On the way outside, they had run into Catelyn and Ned. Brienne's boss hadn't said a word, but the look that she had given them...Brienne had never seen such a combination of disappointment and disgust. She had felt a pang of guilt – after all, Catelyn had only meant well when she had tried to warn her...but then she felt Jaime's hand on her back and his lips on her neck, and every thought of feeling guilty was gone. 

But what would happen now? Brienne had never been in a similar situation before. What was she supposed to say? What did Jaime expect her to do? 

“Well, here we are then,” Jaime interrupted her thoughts. 

“Yeah...looks like it...” This was probably the most stupid and awkward answer one could come up with in such a situation, and Brienne was cursing herself for her stupidity.

“I think I'd better go now...” Jaime continued. 

What? Brienne was looking at him, not quite processing what he had said, and noticed that he didn't seem to be able to look into her eyes. Instead, his gaze was fixed on the ground. It was weird seeing him all shy like this right now, especially after they had spend a lot of time kissing earlier this evening.

“Well...okay...if you think it's better that way...” Brienne said, not quite successful in keeping the disappointment from her voice. She had hoped that just this once, she might be lucky – but obviously, he didn't want to be with her after all and was looking for a way out of being involved with her. To say she was surprised would have been a lie; things like this had happened to her so often that she had lost count. But that did NOT mean that it didn't hurt.

“Good night, Brienne.”

“Good night, Jaime.”

He moved a little bit closer then and kissed her cheek. But just at that moment – and if someone had asked her, she would have sworn it was an accident – Brienne turned her head, just slightly, and his lips touched the corner of her mouth.

Both of them froze at that moment. The tingling feeling she'd had every time they had kissed was back immediately, and Brienne couldn't suppress a little sigh.

Apparently, Jaime took this as some sort of signal, because suddenly he pulled her closer and started kissing her in earnest, hungrily, his tongue caressing her lips until she willingly opened her mouth for him. She couldn't help making small content sounds, and every time she did, Jaime's kisses became more passionate.

Brienne couldn't believe that this was actually happening. Jaime was right here, with her, and he was kissing her like his life depended on it. Maybe she had been wrong in assuming that he wanted to get rid of her; maybe he did want to be with her after all.

When they finally stopped kissing to catch their breath, Brienne couldn't take her eyes off Jaime. His face was flushed and his pupils were dilated. The sight of him made her want to kiss him again.

Jaime swallowed hard and cleared his throat, and yet his voice was rougher than usual when he said, “Actually, I don't HAVE to go...”

“Oh, okay...” Brienne replied, not being able to think of something else to say.

“I mean...if you want me to go, I'll just...”

“NO!” Brienne interrupted him. Of course her answer had been too vague, it was no surprise that he had misunderstood her. “No, really, that's good...why don't you...come in...”

She unlocked the door and entered her apartment, Jaime following right behind. He was so close that she could feel his breath in her neck, which just made her more excited.

Once they were both inside, she slammed the door shut and almost immediately found herself pressed against it. Jaime started kissing her again, just as hungry as before. His hands were roaming all over her body, and she could feel his arousal against her thigh. All doubts and fears she had felt earlier had disappeared, had been replaced with want, and she was starting to feel dizzy.

Jaime's lips moved to her neck where he nibbled and sucked at her skin, and Brienne was sure that he would leave a mark, but she didn't care. Her hands raked through his hair when he started rocking against her, and she moaned helplessly. It felt so good, but she wanted so much more, she needed to tell him...

“Jaime...Jaime, stop...”

He looked at her, clearly confused.

“Bedroom?” Brienne seemed to have lost the ability to form proper sentences, but right now, there were more important issues...

And Jaime had understood her perfectly well. “Yes, definitely...lead the way...”

She took his hand and did as he had asked. But once they were in her bedroom, she began feeling a bit awkward again. There had never been a man in her bedroom before. Well, that was not exactly true; there had never been a man in THIS bedroom. And the one time something like this had happened to her...well, that had been not the most pleasant experience...

But then Jaime kissed her again, and all thoughts of the past were gone. Instead, she decided to focus on the present and on the gorgeous man in front of her. With shaking hands, she tried to unbutton his shirt, but she soon got frustrated because it didn't work. Jaime broke the kiss, laughed, and helped her.

Before she had the chance to properly look at him, he told her to turn around. He started sucking on her neck again, leaving another mark, while he opened the zipper of her dress and then pulled it down a bit until it fell to the floor on its own. Then he kicked off his shoes and took off his trousers. 

“Turn around again, Brienne...I want to look at you...” he said.

Brienne did as he had told her, but she felt very shy now. She had never liked the way she looked, and just standing in front of him in her bra and panties made her feel a bit uncomfortable...and even more so when she finally looked at him. He really was gorgeous, with his lightly tanned skin and the blonde hair that looked like gold at times. She was almost convinced that this was the moment: now that he saw her, all pale freckled skin and definitely not the figure of a model, he would realise that he had made a mistake. She tried to cover herself with her arms and looked at the floor.

“No, don't do that, please...you are beautiful, you are perfect...” 

Suddenly Jaime was right in front of her, kissing her again, his hands roaming all over her body. Then he started walking backwards, pulling Brienne with him, and she managed to kick off her shoes as well just before Jaime let himself fall on the bed, not letting go of her, and she ended up straddling him.

Lying underneath her, Jaime looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. And at this very moment, Brienne almost believed it too – and it was an incredible feeling. Jaime sat up, caressed her cheek and then started kissing her again, moving from her lips along her neck to her upper torso, leaving one more mark above her right clavicle. Brienne decided to be a bit bolder for once and started taking off her bra...

...and then a mobile began to ring. Jaime froze. Brienne knew that ringtone; it was his mobile.

“Please don't stop,” she whispered.

He answered, “I'm terribly sorry...I have to get that...”

He got up from the bed, fished his phone out of the pocket of his trousers and answered it.

“Hello darling...no, I'm not busy at all, tell me...no, certainly not. This is...look, I understand you, but I don't think there is a way to ask the High Septon about this, you know?...There must be another way to...okay, I'll think of something. I'll tell you as soon as I have an idea, okay?...I love you too. Bye.”

Brienne listened to him, trying to make sense of what he said, but it was too weird. When he had ended the conversation and looked at her, her confusion must have been visible, because Jaime smiled apologetically and told her, “Sorry about that. That was my sister...she isn't well. She calls a lot.”

“That's who you are talking to all the time? Catelyn started suspecting you being involved in something illegal!”

“Yeah, I wish,” Jaime answered, laughing. “No, it's really just my sister...but I don't want to talk about her right now, I have something else in mind...”

They started kissing again, and somehow she ended up lying underneath him, now naked except for her panties. Jaime once again started to kiss his way down her neck, and this time he stopped at her breasts, alternately licking, sucking and (lightly) biting until Brienne felt like she couldn't take it any more and her hips started bucking up, trying to get friction of any kind.

Finally, Jaime moved one of his hands between her legs, and after just lightly stroking the insides of her thighs for a while – and at this point Brienne was sure that she would slap him if he didn't do something soon – he finally pulled her panties down her legs and touched her. Trying to stop herself from crying out, Brienne bit her lip almost hard enough to draw blood. It felt so good...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is it...the final chapter. Please don't hate me for the ending. It broke my heart to write it like this. I might write an alternative ending some time... I know, we all want them to live happily forever after :D  
> My next two fics definitely will have a better ending. They're already in planning. One is going to be the JxB version of a movie, and the other one will be my take on a pretty famous novel. I'm in the middle of matching GoT characters with those from the novel and the film...after that, the writing can begin. If you haven't read about it on tumblr yet, you may leave guesses in the comments ;) And if you HAVE read it: don't spoil it for everyone :P

_Finally, Jaime moved one of his hands between her legs, and after just lightly stroking the insides of her thighs for a while – and at this point Brienne was sure that she would slap him if he didn't do something soon – he finally pulled her panties down her legs and touched her. Trying to stop herself from crying out, Brienne bit her lip almost hard enough to draw blood. It felt so good..._

...and then Jaime's mobile phone started ringing again. Both of them froze.

Brienne couldn't suppress a disappointed moan. Why did this have to happen now? But of course, this was just her luck...She looked at Jaime, wondering what would happen next. 

Jaime wanted to say something, that much was obvious - but he had to catch his breath first. “I'm so sorry about that...” he finally told her, and Brienne could hear that he was just as disappointed as she was.

“Will it make her feel better if you talk to her now?” she asked, hoping to convince him to focus on what they were about to do.

“No...I mean, for the moment it will, but it won't last very long...” Jaime admitted.

Brienne decided to just go for it and suggested, “Then...maybe...don't answer...”

The mobile kept ringing while Jaime tried to make up his mind. Brienne could see his inner struggle and desperately wished that there was something she could do, that she could help him making that decision. But she knew that this was not an option. 

Finally, Jaime sighed and moved away from Brienne to sit on the side of the bed and pick up his phone. Brienne remained lying on her bed. She closed her eyes and listened to the conversation.

“Hello darling...yes, of course, tell me...no, you're not interrupting anything, really; I don't know what gave you that impression...oh please, don't. Don't do that, Cersei. We have talked about this so many times...You know that it doesn't make you feel better at all...and you know how sad it makes me if you do that...No, don't cry, please. Do you want me to come over?...Yes, of course I'm free, I told you I wasn't busy...okay, I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise.”

After the conversation was over, Jaime just remained sitting there, with his head in his hands. He was completely silent.

“Jaime?” Brienne tried to get his attention. He looked so lost, so helpless. She had never seen him like this before. 

Then he turned around, and Brienne saw that he was crying. She didn't know what to say. This was something she never would have expected to happen.

“I'm so sorry...” he finally said.

Brienne moved to sit down next to him and embraced him. She could feel his tears on her skin, but she didn't mind. 

After a while, Jaime had calmed down a bit, and this was when he began to speak.

“I wasn't always an office guy, you know. When I was younger I worked in security and was responsible for protecting Queen Daenerys' father, the one they call 'The Mad King'. But nobody knows how mad he really was...he had planned to destroy the whole city...I knew someone had to stop him, but nobody did. So I killed him. I saw no other way. That's why I was in prison. I'm sure you already knew that.”

Brienne nodded. Everyone knew that Jaime Lannister had been in prison. But nobody seemed to know the reason. This was the first time she had heard what really had happened.

“While I was in there, my family basically destroyed itself,” Jaime continued. “My brother and my father never really got along, and that fight escalated when Tyrion found his girlfriend in dad's bed. He killed our father...and my sister never got over it...when she heard what had happened, she tried to kill herself. I found her in her bathtub...I don't know how long she had been in there...they reanimated her, but because of the lack of oxygen her brain had taken damage...”

Jaime looked like he was about to start crying again. He took a few deep breaths and then carried on, a bit calmer. 

“She has been in a psychiatric ward ever since. I'm the only one left to look after her. There are days when she doesn't even recognize me...and sometimes she thinks I'm her husband...and it hurts to see her like this. We're twins, you know...we came into this world together, and we have always been very close...but there are days when I can't bear seeing her like this...and sometimes, when her memories are too confusing, she hurts herself deliberately, and that's the worst...”

Some more tears were running down his face now. 

“I work for the Starks because the job is well-paid and I need the money for Cersei's treatment. After what happened in the past, I obviously couldn't work in security again, and when I was younger I learned some skills from my dad and the people who worked for him. There are days when I just want to resign...working for someone who hates you is terrible...but I can't afford it...”

Brienne could imagine that for him, working for Catelyn wasn't a lot of fun. She remembered their conversation about him a few days ago, and the way Catelyn had spoken to her just because she had a crush on Jaime. She didn't want to know how her boss treated him. 

“I've never told anyone about this, you know?” Jaime continued. “You're the first, Brienne.”

Once again, Jaime took her by surprise. She felt like crying now. “Why me?” she managed to ask.

“Because I feel like I can trust you. And that hasn't happened in a long time...” he told her and then gently kissed her.

After what felt like hours, he released her with a sigh. “I have to go...but please, believe me when I say that I REALLY wish I could stay...” he told her, the hope that she would understand clearly visible in his eyes.

Brienne didn't trust her voice right now, so she just nodded. Jaime got dressed, kissed her once more, and then he was gone. 

Long after he had left, Brienne was still sitting on her bed. She hadn't moved one inch. Tears were streaming down her face. She felt heartbroken...for herself, but much more for him.

********************

A few days later, on Christmas Eve, Brienne was working late once again. And she wasn't the only one; Jaime was still there as well.

When he left and walked past her desk, he just said, “Good night, Brienne,” and her reply was a simple, “Good night, Jaime.” They spoke to each other like nothing had happened between them. One would not believe that a few days earlier, they had been very close to making love, and that Jaime had been crying in her arms. 

Since that day, they had not talked about what had happened. Instead, they had avoided each other. But if she was being honest, Brienne wouldn't have known what to say anyway, and Jaime apparently felt the same, judging from the way he looked at her sometimes.

Brienne hadn't talked to anyone about what had happened. Margaery had tried to get the details out of her several times. Of course, she had seen them kissing and then leaving the party together, so she knew something must have happened. But Brienne refused to tell her anything. She didn't want to betray Jaime's trust.

Catelyn, on the other hand, had not talked to her since that day. Brienne knew that this was probably just a phase, but it still hurt. She thought about addressing that problem after Christmas. 

When she looked up, Jaime was still standing in front of her desk – just like that one time he had tried to talk to her before the party. But this time, Brienne knew what he wanted to talk about.

“Listen, I'm terribly sorry about the other day. You know that I really am. And you know how much I wanted to stay with you and finish what we started, and maybe repeat it...but you know, Cersei...”

“Jaime, I understand, you don't have to explain,” Brienne interrupted him.

“But I feel like I have to,” he answered. “You need to know this: if it wasn't for her, I would have stayed. And probably not just for that night. There could have been a chance for us...”

“...if it wasn't for her,” Brienne finished the sentence for him. 

Jaime nodded, looking as miserable as she felt. She wanted to argue back, wanted to tell him that she didn't mind, that they could make this work somehow – but she didn't really believe it. Of course, she wanted to be with him. And hearing that he had wanted more than just a one night stand made her really happy. But if they decided to try to make it work, Jaime would always feel torn between her and his sister, and he would probably be the one to suffer most. This was something she didn't want.

“Merry Christmas, Brienne,” Jaime said, then he left without waiting for an answer.

“Merry Christmas, Jaime,” Brienne replied, absently looking at the spot where he just had been standing.

********************

Jaime spent the evening with Cersei at the psychiatric ward. It was one of his sister's good days. She behaved almost like she used to before everything fell apart. They talked about the past, laughed a lot and exchanged Christmas gifts.

The mood changed when Cersei grew tired later that evening. All of a sudden she didn't talk to him any more, became aggressive and tried to attack a nurse. 

As Cersei was being lead back to her room, Jaime wished he could call Brienne or maybe even go and see her. But he knew that this was impossible. He knew he had made the right decision; there was no way for him and Brienne of ever being together. But it still hurt.

********************

Brienne was still at the office. But all thoughts of getting any more work done had been gone after her conversation with Jaime. She was standing at a window, looking at the lights of the city. She was crying silently; she had started crying very soon after Jaime had left and had not been able to stop since. 

Jaime had teared down the walls she had built around her heart with ease, and now she was left with ruins. Brienne swore to herself that from now on, she would defend them even better – she never wanted to feel like this ever again.


End file.
